Feliz Navidad

Hi.
The years go by and I´m becoming nicer and nicer.
This time I just want to say Feliz Navidad (or Merry Christmas, in case you skipped your holiday-special spanish lesson).
As a nice person that I am (and also as a christmas gift) I´m going to list some facts that you should know if you are someone who has just arrived (and you are feeling lonely and looking for good parties where to drink till you forget that your parents don´t love you enough or something like that)

1. There are no good parties on christmas eve and/or Christmas day
2. There are some crazy porteños who might feel sorry for you and invite you to their house (look for them)
3. There are tons of people just like you in your hotel or hostel who are looking for another lonner to spend the holiday with
4. The day after tomorrow it´s only 2 days away

Merry X-mas

Just say Hola

I was on my way to visit a friend when I decided I was going to buy some pastries for the tea. I was not in my neighborhood so I entered in the first bakery I saw.  The counter was right across the front door, and behind the counter, of course, the owner of the store. I said "hi", he didn´t respond. I said," how much does the dozen of pastries cost?". "14". And half a dozen? He pretended that he hadn´t listened and he continued doing what he was doing: Nothing.

In other circumstances I would have left immediately, but I really wanted to buy pastries and I had no idea where to find another bakery (plus, I was already late).

I pick up the pastries I wanted and I went to the counter to pay:

Him: 14

Me: Ok (and I gave him a 20)

Him: Change? 

Me: no (come on!!! A 20 is change)

Him: One peso coin?

Me: no, I don´t have

Him: ugh

He handed me my change and the pastries. He hated me. I could tell. 

As I was leaving I though "I´m never ever coming back to this place" when suddenly I hear "holaaaaaaaaaaaa" I turn around and I see a lady walking inside the bakery and to my surprise, it was the same guy saying hi like if the woman was her grandmother waking up from her grave. 


So, what´s the moral of the story: People who own small businesses here haven´t (and are not whiling) to learn how it´s done! I mean, the lady was obviously an old customer, whatever, but, hello, in order to have old customers you have to treat the new ones decently. I don´t mean "you have to love me because I´m spending 14 pesos here" but at least say hello. Anyway. I´m not going back to that store. One more store on my black list.


That´s it for today.


By the way, there is a Jazz festival going on, don´t miss it. 

The Night of the museums...

... Is tomorrow. So don´t miss it. There will be a lot of activities, a lot of them crappy, but mostly good stuff.  Here you can read more about it.

The day of the cafes

Today, the city is celebrating the existence of the the traditional cafes (we call them Cafes Notables). And usually when the government of the city wants to celebrate something, they hire some tango bands to play, and this is not going to be the exception.
The cafes notables are a must-see. So make sure you go to any of them during your stay. And remember that if you go today (monday 26th) you might also see a traditional tango orchestra or some tango dancing, or something tango related.

Where?
London City - Avenida de Mayo 599
6 Billares - Avenida de Mayo 1265
La Perla - Avenida Pedro de Mendoza 1899
Bar de Cao - Independencia 2400
El Preferido de Palermo - Jorge L. Borges 2108
Etc, etc (etc means, do your own research or pay for the information)

In a good mood

Positive things about MY city

1. Nobody is too busy to pay attention to you.

That´s right. Even if you are trying to communicate in your "spanish", you have 98% chances that people will stop what they are doing to hear you mumbling. And there are great chances that they´ll understand what you want.

2. People say what they think in most occasions

For instance if we want to say: "stop doing that" we say "stop doing that" and not things like "I think that you don´t need to do that, it´ll be better for you" or " How interesting that thing that you are doing, I wonder how it´d be if you didn´t do it". We cut right to the chase.

3. People fall in love with you no matter if you own a car, house, money or if you are a starving artist.

I know, some people may argue this. But those are the same ones that pay for sex or are trying to date supermodels.

4. Your family and friends will always live close by.

Nobody has the courage to move far away (our mothers would die), so you´ll always celebrate your birthdays with all the people you love because they probably live around the corner.

5. Kids are accepted everywhere.

You´ve heard about a house party that you want to attend but you have nobody to leave your kid with? Bring him to the party, probably somebody else will bring kids too.

6. I live here

I make Buenos Aires a better place

Erotic BA

In case you´ve traveled without your sexual toy (I´m sure you didn´t) or that you are looking to buy a new one, you are lucky, because you can go to the Xex Buenos Aires expo erotica.

What kind of things you can find there? Well, basically all the stuff that you need if you decide to stay every night at your hotel instead of checking out Buenos Aires nightlife.

They´ll be having people talking about sex, and sexy dancers, and everything that has the word sex in it.

When?

september 25 y 26 (it opens at 6 PM, it´s not a book festival)

Where?

Alsina 940

Tango Festival Starting Today

Hi There, it´s been a while since my last post. So, Hello, I missed you, my people.

So, the Tango Festival starts today. This is THE tango festival, so make sure you attend any of the activities they will have. You have detailed info here.

Enjoy!

Salud!

I´ve notices that with all the influenza thing the population of Buenos Aires has developed a new syndrome. The middle-aged-housewife syndrome (also called loser-without-a-job syndrome). This terrible disease consist in watching a lot of TV(specially the news) and buying every single crap that they say. If we have 100.000 people with Influenza N1H1, we have about 12.000.000 with a severe case of middle-aged-housewife syndrome.

The consequences are out there: people are travelling to uruguay to buy the miraculous Tamiflu (I don´t get it, why is it that a medicine that was made for the chicken flu also works with the pig flu? Does it work with any animal flu, or only with farm animals flu?), there are giant lines to buy alcohol, and the streets are a desert (for Buenos Aires standards).

But what bugs me the most is the reaction that a cough or a sneeze can provoke on the people with middle-aged-housewife syndrome. Oh my God! People get furious when someone sneezes, even if you cover your mouth. They give you a look like if you were urinating in public!!!

 I have a cold, is winter, I sneeze, I cough and your ugly look is only going to make it worse. I´ll throw my tissue at your face. I´ll touch your eyeball with my infected hands. I´ll give you a french kiss. So please, leave me and the rest of the world that has a cold, alone. And if you are so paranoid, go to your house and enjoy your syndrome.

Apartment For Rent

My friends are leaving the country and they need to rent their apartment. 

These are the details:

Fully furnished two-story apartment for rent starting July 30th, in Palermo Queens/Villa Crespo, on streets Malabia and Castillo, 5 blocks from the B subway. Apartment has open kitchen, livingroom opening onto a balcony, two Bedrooms, one and a half baths, two balconies, and a private roof terrace with parrilla (BBQ) and lots of plants. The master bedroom has a walk-in closet with built-in shelving and drawers as well as a sliding glass door opening onto the balcony. The other bedroom has a huge closet again with built in storage space, and an entire wall of windows. Tons of sunlight. Brand new building with pool, gym, and laundry room. Parking available but not included. Rent is $1300 USD a month with all utilities and a cleaning service included.

Photos:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cherylyfacundo/sets/72157619516521693/

E-mail them at yogacheryl@gmail.com if interested

Influenza

You are probably fully aware of the influenza thing going on. I mean the hysteria, paranoia and all that.

If you have tickets to a concert or you were planing to attend a soccer game you should check that it´s actually happening before you go.

You still have plenty of things to do (taking a bitch tour for instance).

see you

Buying Property in BA

Before buying property in Buenos Aires, you have to think twice. And after you meditated for hours and you came to an affirmative answer, think twice again.

This are a few things that you should know:

1. Realtor: Realtors in Buenos Aires are among the nastiest, filthiest creatures in the world, right next to the guys that kill baby seals by hitting them with a stick. I don´t like generalizations (that´s a lie, I love love love generalizations), but in this case, lets just say that an honest realtor is only the exception that confirms the rule. When they say "I give you my word" in realtor's language this means "I´m sooooo screwing this foreigner, hahahhhahhahaha". You must check absolutely everything the realtor says. Is he/she saying "the apartment is in Palermo"? Go to a map and check it. Is he/she saying "the roof is part of the property"? Check it with the notary. Is he/she saying "There is another person interested in the property"? Then you have the certainty that you are the only person interested.

This is how realtors look like in BA

2. The notary. The notary must be someone completely separate from the realtor. If the realtor says that he/she can recommend a notary, make sure that you won´t ever call that person in your entire life. It doesn´t matter if you trust the notary that the realtor is offering. You need your own notary. Get it? Otherwise they will team up and screw you (and make fun of you while they celebrate with the commission they got from you)

3.The neighbors. Neighbors are a pain in every part of the world, sure. But here, they can totally make your life miserable. Make sure that you read and understand the rules of your building before you buy the apartment, otherwise, you might end up cleaning your neighbor´s butt because it´s written in the rules.

Meet the neighbors

4. The administrator of the building. Every single one of them (administrators of the consortium) is a piece of sh.... Here there are no exceptions. Your roof has a leak? The entire apartment is flooded? The rats ate your pet? He/she won´t give a damn. You might think, "but he/she must solve my problem, I´m paying for that". Get real! For these people, that kind of argumentation is a joke. You might wonder, "What should I do them?" Cry. Or kill.

This is an administrator I know

If you still want to buy property, this is what you HAVE to do:

Call a porteño friend that has nothing to do with the operation. This means, someone who will not make any profit from it. This person can´t be related in any way with

A.The realtor 

B. The notary

C. The administrator 

D. The owner of the apartment

That friend will be in charge of finding out in advance in which way they can screw you and his/her job will be to prevent you from that. Believe me, they can screw you in ways that your not-porteño mind couldn´t even dream about.

So, you don´t have a friend? It doesn´t matter, I´m offering a new service. ANTI-Porteños advice. I´ll be the person who will make sure that those bastards won´t rip you off.

If you are reading this and you´ve already been screwed by this people, please share your story. 

Best luck. You´ll need it

Buenos Aires Polo Circo

Hi, Next week there will be a Circus Festival here in the city. For what I know, this is the first official circus festival. Performers will come from all over the world to probably kick our circus artist´s butts. 

Anyway, if you are interested here you will find more info:

http://www.festivalpolocirco.gob.ar/home09/web/es/events/index.html

A Musical Break

From Tuesday to Friday, you can take a break from your tourist/business/student life and go to one of the following places to listen to live music.

Martes: Catedral Anglicana de San Juan Bautista (25 de Mayo 282)
Miércoles: Hall del Teatro San Martín (Corrientes 1530)
Jueves: Teatro Presidente Alvear (Av. Corrientes 1659) 
Viernes: Plaza San Martín (Florida y Santa Fe)

All the concerts start at 1PM 

Completely free

Till June 30

Topless Party

That´s the name of the party that you should go to this saturday.

You: But am I really going to see topless girls?

Me: I have no idea. Just go. And then let me know how it was

You: But I don´t want to go if I won´t see boobs.

Me: Look, I´m sure that you have more chances to see boobies at this party than if you stay alone at your hotel/apartment/hostel/etc. Unless, of course, that you hire a hooker. 

You: well, that was my plan, sort of.

Me: what´s the deal with man coming to BA to buy sex. I mean, it´s so easy to get laid in BA that paying for sex is like going to the ocean and pay for salty water.

You: Yes, but then you have to spend time seducing a girl and all that crap

Me: Talking to a topless drunk girl at a party doesn´t sound like something challenging  for your manhood.

You: You are right, I´m going.

Me: Great. 

Where:

This Saturday after midnight (technically Sunday) at:

El Especial

Cordoba 4391

Argentine Folkloric Music

Every Friday, starting this week, there will be a series of open air concerts in San Telmo. 

Everybody thinks Argentina equals Tango, but that´s not true, we have lot more to offer when it comes to folkloric music. So, just go and find out for yourself.

And if you go, please do me a favor. There are some dirty artisans hanging out in Plaza Dorrego selling their artless crap all night long. They are nasty, if they don´t sell anything, they start begging and if you don´t give them money, they insult you or even threaten you. Please, don´t even look at them, if they approach you just pretend that  you don´t speak Spanish (probably that won´t be difficult for you to do, right?). If you happen to like their crafts and you want to buy anything, therefore, you need to communicate with them, don´t do it. Wait till the next day, till you are not drunk anymore. 

This is in Plaza Dorrego, Located in Defensa corner with Humberto I - San Telmo.

Every friday till July 10th at 9PM

Have fun

ARTEBA

The biggest contemporary art fair is open till Sunday. It is a good chance to see some local art and to measure how cool you are compared to all the hipsters that go every year to this event. If you are lucky, you might get an invitation to a crazy private party. 

For more info: www.arteba.org

Now it´s your turn to see them suffering

One of my favorite events in Buenos Aires is happening this afternoon. The waiters and waitresses of buenos aires are competing in a race where they´ll be wearing they uniforms and carrying a tray with a bottle and 2 full glasses.

The race starts at 3 at Avenidad de Mayo (between Bernardo de Yrigoyen and Tacuari).

If you´d had a bad experience with Buenos Aires service, this will be your time for revenge; I recommend to put some obstacles on their way.

See you there.

Need a job?

Oh my God, who in the world would work for these people?

Published on Craig´s list:

Bartender & Wait staff 

As we are opening our 2nd floor boliche we are epxanding our staff. The CasaBar is known for the having the hottest and most professional staff in Buenos Aires so we are extremely selective in our hiring practices. If you have applied with us previously please do not apply again. Walk-ins are also not welcome. 

You must speak Spanish and English 
You must have previous experience ( having attended a Buenos Aries bartending course is a cruel joke and thus means nada to us , nor does frat/sorotity house keg master experience ). 
Be dynamic or go back to teaching Spanglish! 


Send resume and recent photo. No resume or photo no interview. If uncle Craig does not let you send photo then you are not too clever and you wasted your parents or my tax dollars on an under used education. 

The Casabar is "The" bar in Recoletta period and our bartenders make more money than any other bartender in Buenos Aires. Why? Because they are dynamic! 

Week of the prostate in Buenos Aires

You can get a free prostate exam at the hospital de clinicas. Isn´t that a great way to promote tourism?

Tango, beef and free prostate exams.

Buenos aires has a lot to offer...

Homeless Art

   
One of my favorite organizations in BA ; Arte sin Techo ( it translates "roofless art") opened an exhibition a week ago and it´ll be open till May 21st. So, the artists are all homeless people who are taking free art classes (with free art supplies provided by the organization), and now they have the opportunity to show their work in one of the most prestigious art spots (that would be the Centro Cultural Recoleta).

By the way, the other day, I saw one of their murals all covered with "graffiti", and by "graffiti" I mean, illegible artless inscriptions with the name of bands that nobody wants to listen. For those graffiti writers who vandalized other people´s art I say:

Look, you are 25 yo at least, you damaged your brain because you have been drinking since you were 12. All the talent you had back in the day when you were 17 it´s gone, get real, it´s all gone. You are no longer a rebel, you are a brain damaged young person who destroys valuable art during the night. Instead why don´t you move out from your parents and get a job?

Everyday at Centro Cultural Recoleta- Junin 1930- Recoleta (yeah, close to your apartment/hotel)

Besos